Penelope
by Cassandra Anthemyst
Summary: PenelopeOdysseus. Updated 5707
1. A Battle of the Wits

I'd been living with my uncle, King Tyndareus, for as long as I could remember, but no afternoon sticks out from my mind, save this one...

... "But I don't want to get married, Penelope!" Helen protested. I sighed.

"You should feel lucky, Helen! In a month or so, suitors will form a line a mile long, all for the chance to marry you! Great kings will value your hand above any other. Your future will be secure and happy."

"I'm too young."

"You're no such thing. You're twelve now; practically thirteen. It's time to grow up, Helen."

"You're sixteen, and you're not married yet!"

"That's different. You're a great beauty."

"You can have my suitors. I don't want them. Oh, Penelope, you're so clever! Can't you think of any way out of marriage?" I sighed and hugged Helen.

"Really, Helen. Even you have enough sense to see that marriage is better than being an old maid."

"If they had any sense, they'd marry you. You're so quick and smart! Athena's blessed you, truly." Helen looked up at me, eyes full of adoration. I brushed one of her famous golden locks behind her ear.

"If the goddess did bless me with sharp wits, it was a wasted gift. No man wants a woman smarter than he is." She hugged me again, and we grew silent.

Our moment, however, was interrupted by one of the slaves, screaming and running towards us, as though Cerberus was chasing him.

"Pirates! Pirates, looting and pillaging and headed this way!"

Helen's eyes grew wide. "Should we show them to the storeroom?"

"With you here and the men at the hunt? No, we have to hide you. We have to protect your virtue. It's the most valuable thing in the palace."

"My virtue? What's that?" I sighed impatiently.

"Your nurse will explain it to you before your wedding night; there's no time to explain now. We've got to hide you so they don't know you're here...quick, follow me to the stables!"

We raced down the hill; everyone else in the palace seemed to have hidden already. All the horses, save one old mare, were being ridden by the men, off hunting as usual.

"Penelope, it smells something awful in here..."

"Exactly. They'd never look for a princess amidst all this filth. Now, quickly, get under the haystack." I helped pile hay over her, and by the time I was finished, not even the sharpest eye could have found her.

"All right...I'm leaving now to try and keep them away from here. Don't come out of there until I come for you personally to tell you it's safe. And whatever you hear, don't make a sound. Not a sneeze, nor a cough, nor a whisper, even. Understand?"

"Yes, Penelope," came her muffled consent.

"All right...goodbye." I ran out of there and up to the castle as quickly as possible. Rushing to the window, I saw that the raiding party was almost to our gates. "Athena grant me wisdom," I whispered quickly. It wasn't much of a prayer, but hopefully, it would be enough. I hurried to the bronze mirror and straightened myself up. My beauty might've paled in comparison to Helen's, but perhaps, coupled with my wits, I could distract the men long enough. Perhaps.

With one final brush, I swept the door open. "Welcome!" I called out. "Welcome, sailors, to the kingdom of Sparta."

The pirates, now naught but 50 paces away from me, stopped in confusion. I took advantage of their silence to keep talking.

"It is with great regret that I inform you, of course, that Lord Tyndareus is not yet returned. He's expected back any moment, however, so if you'd care to wait for him, I'll gladly welcome you into the hall." I paused for effect. "Then again, considering what you've done to our village, perhaps it'd be wisest for you to not be here when he returns?" The pirates stood, dumbfounded, and for a moment, I thought I'd won. But then, their captain stepped forward, a man as wily as any I'd ever encountered, to be sure. He bowed before speaking.

"Lady Penelope, I presume? You honor us with your offers of hospitality. However, it is with deepest regret that I inform you that our reason for coming is not leisure, but business."

"Business, my lord?"

"Yes. We've come for your cousin, Helen."

"I'm not certain I understand you, my Lord." I understood him perfectly, but let him think me dull. It would make stalling easier.

"We're here," the captain repeated slowly, "to kidnap and ransom your cousin, Helen of Sparta." Some of the men chuckled as I feigned shock.

"Kidnap! How barbaric, to kidnap the princess of a castle that has opened its doors in hospitality to you and your ocean-weary men. How would the gods look upon such ruthlessness?" My outburst had its desired effect on all but the captain. While his men grew uneasy, he merely laughed.

"I've done many barbaric things in my time, Lady. One more will hardly put me out of favor with the gods."

"I wouldn't be so sure of myself if I were you, Lord...?"

"Theseus, Lady. Lord Theseus." This time, my shock was genuine.

"Lord Theseus! Oh, but I've heard the stories!"

"No doubt, Lady, you have. But stories rarely tell all."

"Oh, but then you must tell me of your exploits! How, pray tell, did you get through the Labyrinth?"

"The Labyrinth? Bah, that was easy. If you really want to hear a story-"

"Oh, I do!" My interruption caused him to look at me strangely. Damn, he'd seen through me; I'd been too eager.

Theseus laughed. "You're stalling me, Lady! Hoping that your beloved uncle returns before I've found my loot. Oh, you're a clever one, Penelope." He turned to his men. "Search the entire castle. Don't loot, just search. All his men ran past him, and past me, through the doors. Amidst the confusion, one man grabbed me, and I screamed.

"Leave her! Just find Helen, now!" After all the men had gone, Theseus stepped towards me. "Will you show me inside, Lady Penelope?"

"Your men won't find her," I said, trying to sound confident as I walked inside.

"Really?" Theseus asked, following me. "They're rather good at finding valuables."

"Is that so? Even ones not present in the house they're searching?"

Theseus laughed. "She's here."

"As it so happens, Lady Helen is abroad, visiting her sister, Clytemnestra, and her brother-in-law, Agamemnon, King of Greece. You might try kidnapping her whilst she's there; if you like being cut to ribbons, that is. Agamemnon loves nothing more than slaughtering the barbaric pigs that wrong his family." Theseus sighed.

"A clever lie, milady. You almost had me fooled. You made two mistakes, however. One, as a pirate, I know of all sea affairs. If Helen were traveling, I'd know."

"And the second?" I asked, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

"The second, Lady, is that with all your stalling earlier, you practically told me you were keeping us from her. I admire your wit, though. You certainly had the rest of the men intimidated. You remind me of my late wife, Hippolyta, in some ways. Have you heard of her?"

"The Amazon? Yes, I've heard."

"Your spirit almost matches hers. Oh, she dealt with things differently--she would've run a sword through us all, not tried so much trickery. But both methods are equally brave. When you threw open that door, you looked ready to face down Zeus himself. She was like that." He shook his head. "I'm talking too much. All I mean is that I admire your bravery, fruitless as its efforts will be. And if you'll excuse me now, I've got a princess to find." He brushed past me, heading towards the stairway. I sat on one of the palace's sofas, trying to maintain my air of confidence, and silently vowed that I'd hold them off all day, if necessary.

"Lord Theseus! Lord Theseus, she's nowhere to be found!" The cry came from above, after two hours of searching. Theseus stormed into the greeting hall.

"One girl, practically full grown! You've found the most well hidden jewels, and a girl is a hundred times the size of a jewel. She should be a hundred times easier to find, you fools."

"I swear, my lord, she's not in this building," claimed the man as he came down the stairs. "The wench must have been telling the truth. Let's go before Tyndareus gets back. I don't fancy my throat slit." He looked at the door uneasily.

"Leaving so soon?" I asked. "What a pity. Allow me to be a good hostess and show you to the door. I'll be sure to pass along your well-wishes to my honored uncle."

Theseus' men practically ran to the door, pouring out of the palace rooms, hastily mumbling insincere farewell blessings.

"Stop, you fools!" Theseus shouted. "Can't you see the chit is hiding something? Am I the only one of us with a full wit about him? Now see here, there must have been some place you didn't look. Well?"

The men scuffled their feet.

"Did they try the attic?" I asked, unable to stop sounding smug. They'd never find her. Not while I was here. That moment was the proudest and finest of my life. I, a sixteen year old girl, had faced down the mighty King Theseus himself! True, he was past his prime; his adventures were over, had been over since the tragic death of Hippolyta. And, true, he was more pirate than king. But it was certainly more of a success than most girls my age could brag of.

"Aye, the attic! Who searched the attic?" One of the men asked.

"There was no attic! Only storerooms and we searched those. Twice, even!"

Theseus turned towards me. "You are the most...impertinent girl I have ever known." He was completely serious, but not angry. Not with me, anyway. He seemed almost...amused. I looked him in the eye and smirked.

"So I've been told."

"There isn't an attic, is there? This is another one of your stalling ploys."

"What makes you so certain?"

"You don't have a secret attic. We would've seen the extra floor when we were outside. Men," he said, "have you searched the surrounding buildings? Outside kitchens? Temples?"

"Oh, aye. But there's naught but a few temples and a stable." My eyes couldn't have lost their confidence for more than a second--but it was enough for Theseus.

"And did you think to search the stable, perhaps?"

The man actually scoffed. "A princess in a stable? Come, Theseus."

Theseus smiled. "Lady Penelope, if you'd be so kind as to escort me to your fine stable?"

Almighty Zeus! Could this man see my every thought?

"Right this way...my Lord" I hissed through clenched teeth, placing as much sarcasm on the word 'Lord' as possible. He laughed as I led him out.

"Really, Lord Theseus, I'm surprised at you. I hadn't counted on you being such a simpleton. One girl, and the best place you can look for her is a stable?" I asked him on the way down. He sighed.

"Lady Penelope, you may have sharp wits about you, but you're untrained in the ways of logic. If you had indeed counted on me looking in, as you say, better places than a stable, then that's all the more reason for me to suspect that you've hidden Helen there. You've been one of my more formidable opponents in this battle of the wits, but I've won. I've been here over two hours, and I'd like to get back home. It's very simple. I take your cousin. Your uncle pays the ransom, and gets his precious daughter back in time to marry her off, while I go back to ruling Athens. The world is restored to its natural order. Now, really, why must you fight that?"

We reached the stables before I had a chance to answer, but I don't know how I would've responded, anyway. A few men followed us, and they scurried into the stable before us.

_Please, Athena, _I prayed silently,_ let Helen still be hiding. Let her remember not to make a sound. Better yet, let her have fallen asleep._

I didn't dare look at the haystack; instead, I watched the men. They made a ridiculous amount of noise, and the old mare finally got startled and whinnied. One man rushed to search her stall, but of course found nothing.

"Imagine that! Searching a stable, your men brilliantly find, wonder of wonders, a horse! Now, I'll tell you this one more time. My uncle will be back soon, and if you are still here by the time her returns, your lives won't be in my hands."

Now his men were downright scared. "Come Theseus, let's go!" one cried.

"One moment." He strode about the stable slowly, stopping at random points. I was certain to mask my emotions, but it wasn't enough.

"Nice haystack."

"You'd call it nice," I responded, doing my best to sound careless. "It's no doubt filled with bugs and dirt, in my opinion."

"Well, certainly the last place to hide a princess, hmm?"

"Certainly," I whispered. He had me, damn him, had Helen, and what's more, he knew it. He was toying with me; why, I did not know.

Theseus grasped the hilt of his sword and pulled it from its scabbard slowly, making sure the sound of the metal scraping against the hilt was audible. "You wouldn't mind me running my sword through here, would you, then?"

So that was it. Did he think me a fool, to not see through this? He wanted me to cry out, to give Helen away. He'd get no such satisfaction.

"Why should I care?" Why, indeed? Theseus obviously thought Helen was there, but even he wouldn't dare call me on my bluff when the life of a daughter of Zeus was on the line.

"All right, then." With a vicious, barbaric cry, he heaved his sword towards the haystack. I bit my lip to keep from shouting out, but I needn't have bothered, because--

"No! No, let me out Penelope, I don't care, I don't want to die!" Helen cried.

Of course! Theseus hadn't been trying to scare me, he'd been trying to scare Helen-and it had worked.

I rushed towards Helen and helped pull her out. I did my best to brush the hay out of her dress and hair as she rubbed tears of fear from her eyes.

"My Lady Helen," Theseus said, bowing. "'Tis an honor to finally meet you. Your cousin made it quite difficult, you know. I am King Theseus, and these fine Athenians are my loyal crew." Helen's eyes grew wide with recognition.

"King Theseus?" she asked, unable to contain her genuine curiosity. "If you're King Theseus, why are you trying to kidnap me?"

He laughed heartily at that. "It's a long story, milady. I'll recount it upon the voyage to Athens." Helen practically clutched my skirts at this.

"My uncle will not stand for this. Even if you escape, he won't pay. If you take Helen, you threaten her honor, and then all hope of marrying her off is lost. Why should my uncle pay a ransom for that?"

Theseus looked at me, as though to say, _you're still fighting?_ "I'm sure he'd pay to have his beloved daughter back, Lady, and I suspect there would still be a few men in Greece willing to marry the most beautiful woman in the world, even if that beauty had been dishonored. However, you're right. It would lower the ransom quite a bit, and I can't have that. Tell me, has the chit got a nursemaid of some kind?"

I sighed, relieved. It was too much to hope to trick Theseus into leaving her here, but at least Helen would be safe and in the company of a familiar face. I'd protected her at least that much.

"Yes, she does. You," I said, pointing at the farm boy, "get out of that ridiculous hiding place and come here. Now," I continued, "go to Nurse's quarters and inform her...inform her that she'll be accompanying Lady Helen on a vacation to the great walled city of Athens, with none other than King Theseus as her gracious host." The boy scurried off, and I looked down at Helen, forcing a smile. "That sounds like fun, doesn't it? Shh, Helen," I whispered, hugging her, "we're Spartan women. We're strong. Can you be strong?"

"Yes, Penelope," she whispered back.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes, it is. I failed you. But you'll be safe. And think of it this way: The longer you're gone, the longer until you have to get married."

Helen laughed, and I let her go. Theseus stepped towards me as his men led Helen away.

"Cheer up, Lady. You held me off for a good two hours; that's more than most can brag of."

I glared at him. "What do you want from me now? You found her; you've won."

"I need you to give this to your uncle. It's the terms for her release." He held out a piece of paper. I snatched it away angrily and tucked it into a pocket. "What's this? You're not going to read it?"

"I can't read."

"A smart girl like you? I'm surprised."

"Don't patronize me, you barbaric, dried up--"

"Surely, milady, I'm not worthy of such compliments from one as sharp and fine as you. Zeus Almighty, but you do remind me more and more of my dear Hippolyta. But even she knew how to pick her battles." With that, Theseus turned and walked out of the stable.

I slumped against the wall, suddenly extremely tired. I almost cried out all my frustration then and there, but I was to prideful to cry, even in the privacy of the abandoned stable. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ I thought. _How could I have thought I was a match for Theseus? Oh, I was so sure I had him...the gods are surely punishing me for such arrogance._

Standing up, I grabbed the mare's bridle from the hook on the wall. I had to find my uncle and his hunting party. I bridled the horse as quickly as I could, but didn't bother with the saddle; 'twas improper, but I was in a hurry. I knew I wouldn't reach Tyndareus in time, but I still felt responsible for getting Theseus' terms to him as quickly as possible.

Fueled by anger and determination, I mounted and urged the mare towards the woods.

Today, for the first time ever, a man had bested me in a battle of the wits. Glaring defiantly at the heavens, towards Mount Olympus, I vowed to never let it happen again.


	2. Helen's Return

The following weeks were a blur to me. I blamed myself for allowing the kidnapping to happen, but no one else had expected so much from me. Everyone brooded over Helen's uncertain fate as Tyndareus drained the storerooms for as much wealth as he could spare and raised the taxes on the Spartan people. This was probably the first time my softhearted uncle had raised taxes, but there were no complaints; Helen was beloved by all, and we all wanted to see the girl back.

Helen's twin brothers got on my nerves quite a few times. They were the most hotheaded young men I knew, and they were going to get themselves killed extremely quickly if something didn't knock some sense into them.

"We must go out and fight for our sister's honor!" one of them would periodically claim.

I'd scoff, "What, you against the walled city of Athens? There's a sight I wouldn't mind seeing."

"When the men of Sparta need advice concerning matters of battle from women, it will be a sad day, indeed. You stick to your weaving, dear cousin, and let the men deal with the matters that concern us," the other would respond condescendingly.

I'd roll my eyes at this, but I tried not to let it bother me, especially since my uncle agreed with me, and he was the one making decisions.

I offered to help deal with the palace's finances about two weeks after the kidnapping. I had a head for numbers, and I was sure I could find a way to stretch our gold so it was to Theseus' liking, while still leaving us with a decent amount left in our storerooms.

"It's kind of you to offer, Penelope," my uncle had said, "but I think you'd best leave this to me, all right?"

"But Uncle, I--"

"I know you want to help, but you've already done more than enough. Thanks to your quick thinking, Helen's nurse is with her. I'd have thanked you properly if I'd not been so preoccupied."

I shifted; I was uncomfortable with such praise for something I considered a failing. "In truth, Uncle, I ask for myself. I need a distraction; without Helen here, I don't know what to do with myself.

My uncle had sighed. "If it is so important to you, I'll allow you to advise me; nothing more." His tone had made it clear that there would be no further bargaining. I'd bowed.

"You honor me, Uncle," I'd said, backing out of the room.

When I wasn't weaving or counting gold pieces, I was brooding. I worried about Helen, despite the fact that she was probably fine. Theseus may have been a pirate, but he had been a hero once, and was still a king and a gentleman. He would treat her well; and, yet, what would I do without her? We were two sides of a coin, as well suited to one another as night was to day. We balanced each other out. While I was cunning, she was empathetic. While I was tough, she was soft. I relied on my head, she on her heart. I was, on some level, convinced that if she were cut away from me now, I'd spiral out of control into some nameless void.

T'was a foolish worry, I knew, but I could not cast it away. I threw myself into mindless tasks, and I could not have been more relieved when Sparta finally witnessed Helen's brothers sailing towards Athens with the ransom money.

I'd helped my uncle find ways to stretch every ounce of gold we had, and it was a good thing, too, because not a week after the ship had set sail Prince Ajax visited, in hopes of securing Helen as a wife, and we had to entertain him. As an unclaimed maid, I naturally wasn't expected to present myself to him, but I saw him from a distance occasionally. He seemed content to accept our hospitality, though he was quick to anger.

Finally, when I'd thought an entire lifetime had passed, the cry went up from the lower villages, near the sea: "Ship! Ship!" My uncle hurried down with a small party, but it was deemed that it would be more appropriate for Ajax to remain in his quarters. Frustratingly, there was no question of me remaining in my quarters as well. I spent the whole morning at my loom. I worked too fast, anxious at the prospect of seeing Helen again after over a month had gone by, and I finished the tapestry mid-morning. I stole a look outside the window; the ship was still too far out to even see if Helen was on board or not.

The waiting was driving me crazy. I undid some of my weaving just to have something to do with my hands, and then rewove it. And unwove and rewove for I don't know how long. I heard footsteps.

"Penelope! Oh, Penelope!"

I dropped my distaff and rushed towards the door, reaching it just as Helen burst through.

"Penelope, I missed you so much!" Helen cried as she dashed into my arms. I held her for an eternity before stepping back to look at her.

"You seem...different, Helen." I told her. "Older." I brushed a braid behind her ear as she laughed.

"Well, it's been a month. And it's certainly been an experience. Athens was...Penelope, you can't imagine it! It was so big! And crowded! And the palace..."

"Well, I'm glad you had a good time," I responded, slightly annoyed.

"Oh, Penelope, I didn't mean it like that! It wasn't like some sort of vacation. It's just...the first few days of the voyage, I was scared witless. After a while, though, I told myself that I had to accept my fate and try to make the best of things. So, keeping in mind what you told me right before I left, I did."

"We were all so worried, Helen...you've no idea."

"I'm sorry, truly."

I sighed. "It's not your fault...you mustn't think that."

Helen looked past me, into the room. "Did you weave all that while I was gone?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, yes."

"It's beautiful. Are those hamadryads?"

"Thank you; yes, and the one in the middle is Demeter."

"She's beautiful. You weave goddesses much more beautiful than I am."

"You don't want to be more beautiful than a goddess, Helen. Remember what happened to Niobe? And Medusa?"

"I don't want to be beautiful at all!" Helen cried. "If I weren't beautiful, I wouldn't have been kidnapped. I wouldn't have to worry about princes fighting over me and threatening Father's peace."

I sighed. "That reminds me. Prince Ajax is here, requesting your hand."

Helen whirled around to face me, and for an instant she looked like a rabbit that's heard the bay of a hound. "He's here? Now?"

"Yes, but--"

"I'll have to meet him! And others will come, and--oh, what if I'm engaged within a month? I'm not even thirteen; I'm not ready to be a wife!"

"Girls have married younger, and I'm sure your father will take longer than a month to decide. Even then, wedding preparations should take a year at least for a wedding so important. Heavens, I'll probably be married before you."

"You?"

"I'm certain I'll be promised to one of your suitors in order to appease his anger at not getting you."

"Has my father told you this?"

"It's just common sense, Helen. He's got to marry me off as well; better to do it all at once. It would work to his advantage."

"Well, any man would be a fool not to be happy with marrying you."

A serving girl burst in. "Miss, the Lord says you're to be bathed and readied to meet the Prince."

Helen sighed. "All right, thank you. I'll be along shortly." She looked at me, worried, before following the girl away.

I lost count of the men who came to see Helen in the next few weeks; there was another Ajax, Patroclus, Idomeneus the Cretan, and Helen's sister's brother-in-law, Menelaus. We stayed up late those nights, debating one suitor against the other.

"They all frighten me, except for Menelaus," Helen told me. "I hope Father picks him."

"He seems gentle enough...not like the Aiantes."

"I know! Those two scare me...I shudder when I think of possibly having to embrace either of them."

"And when you think of embracing Menelaus? What then?"

Helen shrugged. "Nothing much. I just wouldn't mind it as much as I'd mind being embraced by any of the others. You know what?"

"What?"

"Sometimes, I dream of being in love. Of seeing a man and knowing instantly that Aphrodite has promised me to him, and no one else. What do you think of that?"

"I think love is a foolish thing to wish for," I told her.

"Oh, you're no fun, Penelope."

"Well, it is. You never hear any stories of two people being in love without some great tragedy coming along. Some people call love 'Aphrodite's curse', you know."

"But I think it would be worth it, don't you? Can you imagine such emotion? Such passion, as described in all those stories? Experiencing such a thing...wouldn't it be worth anything?"

"You want too much from life, Helen. I just hope to be married to a man I can control."

"What, physically?"

"No, of course not. I'd control a man with my head. If I'm right, and your father marries me off to one of these warlords, I'd hope to be married to one of the duller ones. I could control my life, then."

"Control it to do what?"

"I don't know. Anything I wanted."

"You deserve more than a dull warlord, Penelope. You deserve a man who could match your wits."

I scoffed. "Why would I want that? Such a man might be cruel, and then what would I do?"

"Oh, you'd think of something," Helen mumbled drowsily.

"Helen?" There was no response.

I looked at the ceiling, practically veiled by the darkness. _Why should I hope for love?_ I wondered. _Better to hope for less. I ask Athena for too much as it is. If I go bothering Aphrodite as well, I'll just be inviting sorrow._

I'd convinced myself I'd be happier without love a long time ago, when I first realized that one day I'd have to marry. I assumed my lot was to get by with my brain, and hopefully one day raise a daughter who could do the same. I longed for nothing more.

And then, Odysseus of Ithaca arrived.


	3. Odysseus

"I don't like him," Helen told me.

"Don't like who?" I asked.

"Odysseus. He's the thirteenth suitor. Just arrived."

"Oh. I haven't seen him yet. What's wrong with him?"

"He doesn't compliment me at all, and he hasn't brought any gifts or anything. The gifts would have gone to Father anyway, but it just seems rude."

"Just two days ago, you were complaining that all your suitors care about is your looks! Now, when one doesn't care, you're still upset. Make up your mind."

Helen tugged on one of her braids, and looked at her feet. "It's not that I desire the endless compliments, it's just that my beauty's all I've got. It's all I am," she whispered.

"Nonsense. You're more than that, and the man lucky enough to marry you will see that in time."

"Well, I won't marry _this_ man. He keeps trying to make me feel stupid. I'll beg Father if I have to."

"Oh, come now. What cause would he have to make you feel stupid?"

"How should I know? Yet he must; why else would he ask such impossible riddles?"

I perked up at this. "Riddles? What riddles?"

"Oh, they didn't make any sense to me. Why should it matter?"

"I was just curious, Helen."

"Ask him yourself if you're so interested," Helen grumbled, yawning as she got into bed.

I set out the next morning with such a strong curiosity it scared me. Why should I care about one riddle? I couldn't say.

Most of the suitors were lounging about the courtyard. The only reason one stood out from the others was because he was pacing, staring into space, and mumbling under his breath. In short, he looked the way I did when I was deep in thought.

"My lord?" I called out, walking towards him. He looked up, and I swear to Athena that I did _not_ notice his clear gray eyes, or his godlike frame. My analytical mind would not allow for such flighty sensibilities.

"Am I interrupting?"

"Of course not. Does it look like I'm doing something?" he snapped. I was taken aback by his manner, but recovered smoothly.

"A man may seem to be as busy as possible and not be busy. I'd argue most men who appear active are doing all of nothing. Is it so hard to believe the reverse?" Odysseus looked at me the way a man might look at his hound should it start reciting epic poetry.

"Well put. What did you want?"

"Lady Helen mentioned that you told her a riddle, yet she couldn't remember it. I was hoping to hear it for myself."

"You are so fond of riddles that you would actively seek one out?" he asked, confused and amused.

"I'm a woman of strange interests, my lord."

He suppressed a laugh. "No stronger than mine, apparently. It's a nice change to find one who actually wants to think."

"I know what you mean. So what was it?"

"Hm? Oh, yes, the riddle. It was a sphinx's riddle, so it's-"

"You've encountered a sphinx? What was she like?" I asked, interrupting him in my excitement. He laughed.

"No, I haven't met a Sphinx. This riddle was told to Oedipus: What creature walks upon four legs on in the morning, two during the day, and three at night?"

I smiled. "Sounds difficult."

"Would you like to hear the answer?"

I scoffed. "If Oedipus could answer it, so can I."

"You're too finely dressed to be a servant; who are you?"

I bowed quickly out of habit. "I'm Penelope, Lord. Tyrandeus is my honored uncle, and Helen is my cousin."

"Of course. Lady Penelope. Now I remember; King Theseus spoke very highly of you."

I bristled. "Theseus? That scoundrel—you're a friend of his?"

"Scoundrel, eh? He'd appreciate that," Odysseus laughed. "I happened to encounter him about a week before my departure for Sparta. He mentioned that you were clever." I snorted.

"He would. How is the arrogant pirate?"

"About to kill himself, naturally. The fool keeps trying to reclaim his adventures. Kidnapping Helen, and now this..."

"Now what?"

Odysseus waved a hand at me dismissively. "It would take too long to explain..."

"So summarize it."

"In a word? He's an idiot."

"Really? It had escaped my notice."

"All right, I'll tell you. This friend of his, Pirithous, made a bet with him that each would kidnap a daughter of Zeus; that was why he kidnapped your cousin. Money had nothing to do with it. Now the two of them are off to try and claim a second daughter: Persephone." I gasped.

"The wife of Hades? How will they reach the underworld? How will they trick Hades so?"

"You think they've thought it through? No matter how clever he is, Theseus is a hero above all else. Heroism runs deeper than blood or brains. He can't help it. It's his curse."

"Being a hero is a curse?"

"You never thought so?"

I shrugged. "I never thought about it. Their lives seemed to have some meaning. For you, it's something to aspire to. Me? I'm a woman, and I'm not beautiful. If I wanted singing bards to remember my name, I'd have to be raped by Zeus."

"Yes, and if I wanted to be remembered I'd have to kill some great monster or fight a god or something. My point is that a hero can't help it. Jumping into idiotic situations is as natural to a hero as breathing, however clever he may be. Theseus' days of adventure are over. If Fate were really kind to him, he would have died in a suitably heroic manner a long time ago. It's tragic, if you consider it."

"You'll forgive me, Lord, if I'm less than sympathetic to the man. You make a good point, though. What are you doing here?"

Odysseus blinked. "What do you mean?"

"You don't seem like a courting man. You're certainly nothing like the rest of Helen's suitors. Why are you here?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you that I greatly desired the hand of the most beautiful woman ever known?"

"In a word? No."

"Smart girl. Honestly, I'm here for the challenge."

I folded my arms. "My cousin is a challenge?"

"Isn't she? There are twelve men who would kill for her. To figure out how to secure her hand from Tyndareus and not be instantly murdered would require such cunning, such diplomacy..."

"You'd bargain with your life that you could pull that off? Isn't that just a bit arrogant?"

Odysseus smiled. "Not if I do."

"You're no different than a hero, then. Throwing yourself into life-threatening situations..."

"Perhaps. We all have our weaknesses, whether it's for battle or for riddles. You have that weakness, too. Isn't it dangerous for an unmarried woman such as yourself to approach a man the way you have?"

"No one really cares what I do. When I get married off, it won't affect anyone's life."

"Not even your husband's?"

"He'll be upset that I'm not Helen, then he'll get over it. No, I doubt it would affect his life very much."

"You don't seem too bothered by it."

"It's the way of things, isn't it?"

My uncle came out into the courtyard just then and announced that another hunting trip was being held shortly. Odysseus slammed a fist into a nearby tree.

"That's the fourth trip in two weeks! We have time for these leisure expeditions, yet your uncle still claims he's too busy to speak to me!" He glared at me, as though I should have better control over my uncle. I laughed.

"You'd best have a very specific, error proof plan for protecting both his neck and yours when he tells twelve men that they can't have Helen before you try to approach him. It's the only way to get his attention. Do you have such a plan?"

He sighed. "No, not yet. Be sure, though, I'll have one before any other man."

"Lord Odysseus," Tyndareus called as he walked over, "if you'd move along to the stable, we'll be-Penelope! What on earth are you doing here? Lord Odysseus, I apologize for my niece. We overlook her, and sometimes it makes her much bolder than a woman her age should be."

I started to defend myself, but Odysseus stopped me. "The fault is mine, Lord. I'd heard of this woman's knack for riddles, and I'd hoped to see if she could help me with it. You haven't figured it out yet have you?" He fixed his gaze on me for a moment, and then gestured surreptitiously at my uncle. I understood immediately.

"I fear I have not, my lord. It's truly a difficult riddle."

"Well, I'll just have to speak to you tomorrow, won't I? Tyndareus, I know other uncles might object, but you don't mind your niece being seen with me, do you?"

Tyndareus never had a chance. "Of...of course. I see no problem."

"Excellent. Give me one more moment with your niece, and I'll be on my way to the stable."

"Yes...yes, very good."

As my uncle walked away, I sidled up to Odysseus. "By the way, the answer is 'man'," I whispered, keeping my voice low so that only he could hear me.

"You figured that out the instant after I told it, didn't you?"

"Half an instant," I murmured.

"You're an amusing woman, you know that?"

"I think I'll take that as a compliment."

Odysseus grunted in response as he left, but I saw him smile to himself, too.

It dawned upon me, while heading back to my quarters, that I had just made a rather unusual friend.


	4. A Solution, A Problem

When I was a small girl, there was a boy that lived nearby. I can't remember his full name because it was so long ago, but I always called him Pol and he called me Pen. It seems to me, looking back, that we'd always been friends. We played pranks in the village, ran in the courtyard, got very dirty, and usually had great fun together. I remember, now, that there was a group of boys we knew, and one afternoon we'd been throwing a ball around in the courtyard. We must have been about five at the time, because that was the summer of the great storm, and one of the trees nearby had been uprooted. Naturally, five-year-old boys can't throw a wooden ball around for sport without hurling it at one another, so it was only a matter of time before it flew across the courtyard and landed in the hole where the tree had been. After a few rescue attempts, we discovered that our arms were too short to reach it, and the hole was too narrow to climb down.

"Perhaps we can get a maid to fetch it?"

"Nah, they'll just tell us to stop bothering them. And then we'll get switched or something."

One of the boys groaned in annoyance. "Forget it," he said. "Let's go and throw rocks at one of the village cats."

"It's my ball. It's my only one. I want it back," Pol whined.

"I've got an idea," I volunteered naively. The others looked at me. "If we get a bucket of water and pour it in, the ball should float up, right?" The boys stared at me as though I'd grown snakes for hair.

"Fine," Pol finally said, "I'll throw the stupid rocks." With a cheer, the boys ran off. I grabbed at Pol's tunic before he could leave, indignant.

"What are you doing? Do you want it or not?" I asked him.

"Zeus, Pen," Pol swore, "If I knew you were going to act so...smart, I wouldn't have...I mean...aw, it's a stupid ball anyway," Pol said, kicking dirt down the hole. He ran after the boys without a second look back.

I was aghast. After all, I'd acted just like them up until then, and nobody had minded or cared, except for my parents. What had I done? What horrible crime had I committed? Rubbing away tears, I went running to my nurse.

"What is it, love?" she'd asked as I came running up to her. I dove into the fabric of her skirt, trying to hide from...something. The look on Pol's face when he realized that I was smarter than him. The back of his tunic as he ran away from me. That wooden ball, half covered in dirt. Something.

My nurse finally pulled me out and kneeled down to face me. She used part of her skirt to wipe away tears now too obvious to hide. "I...I was in the courtyard, playing with Pol and the boys," I said. I explained what had happened. She clucked knowingly when I finished.

"Dear, that's the way it is. Oh, I knew I should have stopped you from playing with those boys, but it seemed harmless for a young girl at the time. Well, it's just that men don't like smart women. You really need to start learning how to hide it. Penny, I'll start teaching you how to sew and you'll start playing with the other young girls. You'll like the young girls better anyway, won't you love?

She said all of this in about three seconds, but at the time I thought I understood most of it.

"Nurse?"

"Yes, Penelope dear?"

"If women aren't supposed to be smart, why isn't Athena Goddess of Wisdom a God instead?"

"Small girls shouldn't ask questions about things they don't understand."

I stopped talking to Pol, and he stopped talking to me. I started sewing and playing with the girls. The next few weeks, it all seemed tremendously funny. We were all so smart, but we had to pretend to be ninnies because...well, I wasn't quite sure why. I actually had a few theories. My favorite was that the women ran everything, but they didn't want the men to find out, so they had to pretend. Really, though, we were the smarter, the finer of the two sexes. I was terribly pleased with myself, figuring all of this out. After a few months, though, something dawned on me. All of itthe giggling and gossiping and worrying about meaningless nothingwas a game to me. Pretending to be silly and simple was something I considered great fun, but I came to realize that the other girls...

Well, they weren't pretending.

I didn't truly miss Pol until I realized how terribly alone I was, being a smart girl. It was too late to make amends, but I started acting like myself again, despite how disappointed my nurse was. A few months after that they sent me off to live with my cousin, Helen, who was only just over a year old and needed a playmate of relatively noble blood.

The whole affair was painfully educational. At that young age, I knew I'd be overlooked, or avoided, if I didn't want to pretend. I chose not to pretend anyway, partly out of stubbornness, and partly because the idea of acting stupid for anyone's peace of mind made me feel sick.

The point is that I'd been resigned to this fate for over a decade. Men didn't like smart women. I was a smart woman. Men wanted smart women to pretend they weren't smart. I refused to act. Obviously, it was my fate to not be liked by men.

How was it then that, within a week, I became the close friend of Odysseus, the Master of Wit himself? We spoke often; I remember that much. Looking back, only fragments of these conversations exist in my mind, the rest of them sacrificed for the greater memories that followed. I suppose it was bold of me, to walk about with a man and no chaperone or servants nearby, but my uncle obviously had other concerns. Incidentally, it was his concern that took most of our conversations.

"You need to find a way to make revenge…distasteful, at the least, to any scorned suitors," I'd said once. "I can't see how you would do that when all of Helen's other suitors are the most bloodthirsty warlords in Greece save the married Agamemnon himself."

"Distasteful? No, you're right, that could never work. Think, what else would stop them?"

"Stop men from exacting revenge when they feel their honor is on the line? You can't do it; any attempt to frighten them would only encourage them."

Odysseus groaned. "You're going in circles, Penelope."

"I don't hear you coming up with anything better. Look, what you would have to do is create a situation for the other suitors in which, should you be named Helen's fiancée, _not_ attacking you or my Uncle is either wiser or more honorable than attacking you."

"And you're saying there is no such situation?"

"None that I can think of. I've never even had to consider a problem such as this."

"Nor I," Odysseus confessed. "This isn't quite the same as being wily, is it? I'm not just trying to get in or out of a situation; I'm trying to create a single situation that simultaneously influences thirteen other men, and preferably one woman, in calculated, delicately deceptive and manipulative way to not only achieve my desired outcome, but have everyone else satisfied with it as well." He looked at me suddenly, seeming worried. "You understood all of that? I didn't confuse you?"

I bristled at the implication. "I understood it perfectly. What's more, I can sum up your entire explanation in one word."

"Indeed? They say that brevity indicates intelligence. If you can make my words that much briefer, I'll be much impressed." Odysseus folded his arms, and his expression was serious; yet I could tell he was expecting something amusing.

"One word, Odysseus: Diplomacy." He stared at me for a moment, and then began to laugh.

"That's it! That's exactly it! Now, if only you could plan diplomacy as well as you can define it…"

"You stepped willingly onto this battlefield. I'd hate to ruin your fun by throwing you a sword."

Odysseus leaned against a nearby olive tree that looked ready to collapse; he was oblivious, as always, to his surroundings. "You're right, of course. Besides, I can figure this out on my own, it's just nice to have someone to run ideas by. Tell me, would your uncle be likely to take Helen's feelings into account?"

I paused to consider my uncle. He was, above all, a ruler. His ultimate decision would be for the good of Sparta. He was also peaceful and loving, though, and after Leda's death, Helen's presence in the household had been a great comfort to him. There was no denying that he had a soft spot for Helen, and would wish her happiness.

"Yes," I said finally, "I believe he might."

"Really? Do you know whom she would choose?"

"Menelaus, for sure. Why? You were hoping she might chose you?"

"Well…well, now that you've mentioned it, what does she think of me?"

I laughed. "She can't stand you. She thinks you find her dull and deliberately go out of your way to make her feel as such."

"I can't help it," Odysseus protested, folding his arms and sounding like an irritable child, "She is dull."

"Not so dull that she couldn't immediately tell you have no interest in her. I can tell you now, you have absolutely no chance of seducing her short of invoking Aphrodite herself."

"Thank you, I think I've gotten your general point. Completely repulsed, is she?"

I smiled. "Absolutely."

"Well, I can't say I'm disappointed. I won't be reduced to imitating some sort of lovesick victim of Cupid's arrow to win this, at least. If I lose, I lose with dignity."

"If you have any," I teased.

"Lady? Pardon, Lady?"

My dreamless sleep was suddenly disturbed by an urgent, nervous whisper. Squinting in the darkness, I just barely made out the face of one of the younger servant girls.

"What's wrong?" I mumbled. "What time is it?"

"A few hours before sunrise, I expect. I wouldn't have woken you, only I was sent here by a servant from the suitors' quarters, and he said that Lord Odysseus was positively insistent that you meet him in the courtyard at once. It's not my place to say, but if word gets out that you're meeting with a man, and you an unmarried woman—"

"Yes, thank you, Elpis, you can go now."

"Not that I'd say anything, of course, but sometimes these things—"

"Yes. Thank you. Good night."

The night air was warm, but for decency's sake I threw on a heavy shawl and hurried down to the courtyard. Odysseus was there, pacing and grinning. It was the first time I'd ever seen him grin for more than a second, even in my company. Confused and sleepy as I was, as he ran over to me all I could think was that hi smile made him look boyish, at least ten years younger.

"I've done it! Ha! It's so simple! So wonderfully, perfectly simple, don't you see?"

"Odysseus, it's not even dawn yet…"

He waved impatiently. "What significance is that? Don't you see? I've solved it! Oh, it was staring us both in the face this whole time."

I was beginning to wake up now. "You…how? How have you solved it?"

"So simple…"

"Yes, I heard you the third time. Stop telling me it's simple, and just tell me what it _is_."

The sound of my voice reminded him suddenly that I was there, and he whirled on me. "You. You got me thinking, you brilliant woman. Remember how you said that nothing could stop the losing suitors, because they would see executing revenge as a matter of honor?"

"Yes, but I don't see how—"

"Just listen. What if honor could _prevent_ them from attacking your uncle, or Helen's new husband?"

"How?"

"Any oath to not hurt them would suffice, I'd say."

"But to get them to swear such an oath, you'd need to…you'd need to…" Suddenly, it dawned on me. "You'd need to offer them something of greater value."

Odysseus smiled. "Exactly. And what is it that is of greatest value to these men?"

"The chance to be Helen's husband, of course. It's so…simple."

"As I said before, simple! No trickery, no loose ends—just a prerequisite. To be considered for Helen's hand, each must swear loyalty to Tyndareus and Helen's husband. In the hundreds of years of marriage, how has no one come up with this?"

"Congratulations," I whispered, smiling. Odysseus walked over to where I was standing, clutching the shawl around my shoulders.

"Thanks to you, I've discovered this, the greatest riddle of them all. I couldn't express such gratitude properly, yet…" In his excitement, he grabbed my arms and kissed my forehead fervently. "Should I wake your uncle? Is it too early? Yet, what is too early to discover that all your problems have been solved? I'll tell him this instant. Oh, but I wanted you to be the first to hear, Penelope!" With that final exclamation, he ran off towards my Uncle's quarters, leaving me standing, stunned, in the courtyard.

Silently, I made my way back to my room. All I could focus on was what had just happened.

Odysseus had kissed me.

In a friendly way, to be sure. As a brother might kiss his sister. He'd meant nothing by it. I'd helped him, and he was thanking me. That was all. He probably didn't even realize he'd done it. He was so ecstatic-so unlike the wily, cunning, logical man I'd come to know-that he probably hadn't even realized what time it was, or where we'd been.

Still, he'd kissed me.

Lying in bed, I stared at the ceiling, stunned. That kiss had done something to me. It had sent some strange electric shock into me, an awakening sensation. I'd liked Odysseus before the kiss, liked him more than anyone I knew. Yet it had taken that physical contact to break down the wall around my emotions.

Cursing Aphrodite, it suddenly became clear to me exactly what I'd done. I'd just realized that I was in love with Odysseus.

And I'd just helped him secure a marriage with another woman.


	5. A Proposition

He'd kissed me-it must have been a good hour ago-and now I couldn't sleep. Surely, my deafening heartbeat was enough to keep the rest of the household up, never mind just me. I'd given up trying to sleep, and now I only closed my eyes to visualize Odysseus; his rough face wrinkled up into a smile instead of his usual pensive furrow, the rough-yet-gentle feel of his sun-chapped lips on my forehead, his gray eyes shining instead of concentrating…

Groaning, I jumped out of bed. If I couldn't sleep, I might as well do something relaxing, like look over the accounting books and try to make an alliance with scraggly Ithaca cancel out the enormous costs of a dowry and wedding feast. I stepped out into the hallway-

And found it surrounded in a cold fog. Gray swirling darkness floated in the nothingness around me. Slightly panicked, I turned back to my bedroom doorway and found it gone. Turning again, I saw that nothing interrupted the monotony of my surroundings.

"Hello?" I called out.

Strange. I had, for some reason, expected my voice to echo in the vapid emptiness. Instead, the dry fog absorbed the sound the moment it left my lips, leaving me to wonder if I'd even spoken at all.

_All right_, I told myself, _time to think. You have two options: Stay here, hope your bedroom reappears, or wander aimlessly and hope you get somewhere. If you stay, you might be waiting for an eternity in nothingness; if you move, you have a chance of finding something. On the other hand, if you move, and the bedroom _does_ reappear, you'd never find your way back…_

"Third option: stop over-thinking everything, and listen to my proposition."

I felt, rather than heard, the words behind me. They were sharp, businesslike, and slightly wry. A touch condescending, so subtle you'd have to be an expert at detecting it. I resisted the urge to whirl around and instead turned slowly, trying to seem casual and controlled. The woman now in front of me looked remarkably like an older Helen, yet completely different. Both women were pale and rosy-cheeked with deep blue eyes and golden hair, true, yet this woman's sharp eyes held none of Helen's warm innocence, and she wore her beauty like a weapon.

"You're the reason I'm here, I presume?" I asked, forcing my voice steady and looking the woman in the eye. She sneered.

"Insolent mortal! You dare to treat me as an equal? My sister was right; you won't make this easy on yourself."

"Where am I?"

"You're not easily distracted, are you? If you must know, this is a meeting place, of sorts. A common ground between your world and mine, we use it for settling disputes. It was here that Alexandros awarded me the Golden Apple…but of course, you'll hear about that in due time. All you need to know is that, since losing that little quarrel, my sister is trying to redeem herself by trying to win a bet with me." She folded her arms and gave me a knowing look. Suddenly, I realized who she was.

"Forgive me, Goddess," I said, bowing my head, "for not recognizing you earlier." I hoped this deference would be enough; Aphrodite might not have Hera's reputation for cursing mortals, but a Goddess was still a Goddess, and a little respect could be the difference between waking up as the proper species or not.

Aphrodite waved her hand idly. "You don't fool me, so don't bother. I know your loyalty is to my sister, as is his."

"His?"

"Don't be stupid. I'm talking about that man of yours, Odysseus. Why do you think I'm here?"

My mind had finally stopped reeling from his kiss, and now this. Honestly, couldn't the world just let me be miserable on my own? "You…you're the reason I'm in love with him, I suppose?"

"Not really. Well, indirectly, I suppose; Love is, after all, my creation. Don't flatter yourself that I look after every case of love personally, though. Do you have any idea how many mortals there are in the world? And each with the capacity to love. No, you and Odysseus are simply suited to one another. 'Unsurpassed equals' is most accurate, though it contradicts itself. Do you agree?"

"I…Odysseus, he's cleverer than I am."

"Of course. Nothing against you, but Odysseus is the cleverest man alive, and in some ways you have no hope of matching him. In other ways, he's incredibly stupid. Whatever Athena says about him, I can't help but think that any man who ignores what's in front of him is a fool." Aphrodite looked me over, calculatingly. "Besides, he's handicapped by his pride, and that gives you an advantage over him. Trust me; you two are made for one another."

I flared up. "Why tell me all this? It can't be you're offering him to me! Why dangle him in front of me like this?"

"You think it's not fair?" Aphrodite taunted. "Tough. It took you long enough to realize your love for him; you can't scorn emotion and then complain it leaves you wounded."

"Now you're just trying to make me angry. Why? What is this wager of yours?"

Aphrodite sighed. "You're an emotionally distant woman, and Athena claimed that you'd value integrity over love if given a choice between the two. I'm here to offer that choice."

"My integrity?"

"Of course not! Odysseus'. Odysseus' integrity over his love."

The nature of her offer became clear to me. "So…if I accept, you bewitch Odysseus, and he falls in love with me?_ That's_ your offer? It's sick!"

"Athena said you'd be unreasonable."

"Unreasonable? Not wanting to force Odysseus is unreasonable?"

"I am giving you the chance to make both of you _very_ happy. And you'd reject that offer, cursing the both of you to lives of misery and loneliness, for what? Tell me, at this moment, is there anything you desire more than Odysseus' love?"

Odysseus' love. Not just a brotherly fondness, but real, burning passion. The thought of his arms around me, his lips pressed against my own, his body on top of mine-"No," I told her, "Nothing. But…"

"But what?"

"But…it's his integrity I'm in love with." I whispered, bracing myself for Aphrodite's anger. She smiled at me.

"You passed. Athena said you would." Was it just me, or was Aphrodite's pink robe becoming less defined against the fog? Perhaps my vision was becoming blurred-everything seemed a bit fuzzy now.

"Penelope! Wake UP!"

I opened my eyes-I was back in my own room, and Helen was standing over me, shouting in my ear. She pulled at my arm impatiently. "Penelope! You won't believe what's happened—Odysseus has discovered a way to get me married!"

"Oh... that's wonderful, Helen." Had I really encountered a Goddess?

"Wonderful? It's awful! Now I'll have to marry Odysseus, and listen to his scorning for the rest of my life, and live on some rocky island no one cares about, and bear sons that will probably be as smart-assed as he is, and-Argh! Why him, of all the suitors?" She flopped onto her bed, and for a moment I remembered that she was, in many ways, still a child.

"Helen, I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "Oh, well. Maybe he won't be so awful. He's just…"

"Not Menelaus?"

"Something like that. Menelaus is just so gentle, despite being a warrior. He'd be a wonderful father. Sure, he's not some dashing son of Apollo. He's not the wild lover I prayed for. But I could have been happy with him." She took a deep breath and wiped away a tear. "I could have been really happy with him, Penelope."

"Oh, honey." I moved over to her bed, and she leaned against me as I stroked her hair. "It's not…it's not the end of the world, is it? We'll be fine, yeah?"

Helen clung to me, the way she used to years ago. "You'll be fine, too, you know." I stiffened. "Oh, Penelope, it's no secret you're in love with him." I hugged her back, and we sat there for the rest of the morning, two lost girls trying to be women.

Helen was eventually ushered away by her nurse, who was impatient to begin engagement preparations. I considered staying in my room, but the thought of sulking for the whole day seemed pathetic. I left the palace and took off towards the stables, figuring that nobody else would want to leave on such a joyous day. The weather was fair, and the late morning air had warmed up, wrapping around me like a cocoon; the antithesis of the cold, dry, thin fog from my nighttime escapade. It seemed a shame to step into the stable when I finally reached it, but sunlight leaked through the boards. I breathed in; the scent of the stable wasn't pleasant, exactly, but it was familiar. The horses seemed content to have the day off; the incessant rides had served as a nice distraction for the suitors, but horses can only take so much riding. I made my way to the old mare's stable; she, unlike the hunting horses, had gotten a few weeks of rest, and she seemed restless and eager to have me bridle her up. Turning to get her bridle, I noticed the haystack.

Helen had hidden there. Had it only been a little over a month ago? I'd been so confident in my intelligence, so protective of her, so naïve in thinking I could stop Theseus. I'd made a vow then, a vow to never let a man outwit me. Only a month later I was desolate at the thought of never being with a man I knew could best me; had I really become so codependent? If this lovesickness wasn't being bested by a man, what was?

"Penelope!"

Odysseus?

I turned around; of course it wasn't Odysseus. My uncle stood behind me, looking overjoyed. "Penelope, I hear I have you to thank in part for this heaven-sent solution?"

"What? Oh, it was nothing."

"Nothing? My worries are gone! How can I thank you enough for helping Odysseus?"

_Don't let Odysseus marry Helen_, I thought. "Oh, really, it's nothing."

"Well, if you're sure. Now then, how quickly do we need you married off?"

"How quickly? Why does it matter?"

"What does it matter? Penelope, you're clever; can't you see why I'd want you married before your…condition begins to show?" Tyndareus glanced surreptitiously at my midsection.

"_What_? You think…you think that Odysseus and I…that we…Uncle! How could you _possibly_ think that I'd…that we'd…Gah!" I threw my arms up in frustration, barely able to stutter through my outrage.

"You aren't? Well, that's a load off my mind."

"I…you…baby…Oh, honestly!"

"How was I to know? You've been following him around for the past few weeks, and then when he came to see me last night, he was in such a rush to get the whole marriage business over with, I naturally assumed that--"

"Wait a minute. You thought I was pregnant because Odysseus told you I was?"

"Well…not _told_, exactly, but from his actions, it seemed to be insinuating it. He was very eager to get everything settled."

I tried to suppress my anger. "I help him with his one goal, and he repays me by questioning my honor." I walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Tyndareus asked me.

"I'm going to go have a few words with the hero of the day," I said curtly. I threw the bridle up on the wall, and stormed out of the stable. After all I had done for him! Helping him with his precious riddle, turning down Aphrodite, and trying to respect his wishes and desires above my own. _What_, I wondered, _could he possibly have said to my uncle that insinuated something so ludicrous? And why would he be so eager to see me wedded off as well as Helen?_

A/N: Yes, the first author note of this story! I don't like to distract from it, but there are a few things I'd like to say.

First of all, to all you hopeless romantics, I swear that there will be plenty of fluffy, shippy goodness in the _next_ chapter. Just as soon as I can sum up the nerve to write it. Hopefully, all of the misdirection I'm putting Penelope through will make the long awaited Penelope/Odysseus romance all that much better.

Second, and most importantly, the last batch of reviews gave me my 100th review on Congratulations to Morgan the Anonymous for being my 100th reviewer. I don't approve of having review contests, because it's just a shameless beg for more reviews, but I feel that this milestone deserves some sort of recognition. As a reward to Morgan, I am offering her a one-shot request. Morgan, if you e-mail me a request for any Homer-based one-shot scene, I will do my best to write it for you as quickly as possibly. I'll then e-mail it back to you, and wait about a month to post it; I figure you should get it before everyone else, as part of the reward. If you're confused about my offer, e-mail me. Be sure to put your name and business in the subject line so I don't automatically delete it as junk.

Third, not as important, another milestone was reached in the last batch of reviews: My first-ever flame! Congratulations to 'Xians suck' for _that_ particular honor. To those of you who might have been confused by his/her/its review, XS was unhappy with a mildly sarcastic review I submitted to "Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter", a Harry Potter/Christianity crossover that featured HP and the gang going back in time and saving Jesus from crucifixion so Jesus could save Hogwarts from evil vampires with his holy powers of Kung Fu. Add the fact that I submitted said review _last August_, and one might understand why I feel less than remorseful. XS, if by some miracle you've decided to actually read a story before flame reviewing it, and you happen to be reading this author note, feel free to e-mail me with a one-shot request as well. A milestone's a milestone, after all ). Be warned, though, that instead of a Homer-based one-shot, you're only allowed to request a common sense-based one. You probably need that more.

Lastly, it may be a while before I can update; I'm starting college in about a week, and life will probably be mildly hectic at the least. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, and stuck with me, despite my procrastination. I love you all!


	6. A Confrontation

_A/N: Wow. Just...wow. Seriously. It's been over a YEAR. I am so, so sorry. In my defense, this has pretty much been the second-worst year of my life. But...it's over! I'm finished with my freshman year, and I've transferred to Smith, where I expect to be a lot happier (and a lot more literary). In this past year, I've done practically no writing at _all_, much less creative fiction writing, so if this chapter is stale and awful on top of being horribly horribly late, I appologize again. I also wrote a great deal of it just now, and it's now past four in the morning. This hasn't been betaed, or...even edited, really. Properly, anyways. For that, apology squared. I'll come back and fix it, but it was suddenly important to me to get this thing up as soon as possible. Again, I offer my firstborn son as apology. Also, fluff. Lots. As much as I can write without feeling self-conscious. Enjoy._

I stormed through the courtyard, livid. Odysseus was in his usual spot, pensively staring at nothing in particular. The rapture was gone from his face; he was, once more, the man I knew."What is wrong with you?" I demanded. His head shot up, and for a second he looked completely bewildered. He composed himself instantly, however, and before I knew it was wearing his usual smug expression, tinted with the faintest bit of confusion.

"I'm sorry...what?"

"You told my uncle I was pregnant!"

"What? Penelope, that's ridiculous. I didn't say anything of the sort."

"Well, you certainly implied it! So eager to get me married off, he told me! And so eager to be married yourself." Odysseus bristled.

"And if I am?"

"It's my business if and when I get married, not yours."

"It's your uncle's business!"

I froze, stunned. Odysseus seemed surprised at his words. I took a breath.

"You're right. Marriage isn't a woman's business, isn't that right? Just like logic and wit aren't, right? I didn't hear you complaining about it when I was helping you with your precious riddle, you hypocrite."

"Don't ever call me a hypocrite." Odysseus' voice had gone soft and hard, something I'd never heard from him before. "You helped me, I succeeded, now you're angry. What does that make you?"

"A fool, apparently. I thought you valued me as an equal, not some means to an end."

"Means to an end? Is that how you see our marriage?"

Our? He was already refering to Helen and himself as a single unit. I felt ill.

"Well, it's a little hard not to, after your insistance that you were merely here for the challenge."

Odysseus refused to meet my gaze. "Circumstances change. Is that so awful?"

"I liked circumstances the way they were, back when we'd just..." I trailled off-he looked so pained, I couldn't finish my confession.

"I'm sorry. It was wrong to be angry with you; I see now it was a simple misunderstanding of my uncle's."

"It's understandable. If my honor had beeen smilarly called into question, I'd have been considerably angrier."

"It was more than that. I'll...I'll miss this." I gestured around the courtyard, where we'd had so many idle conversations. Odysseus looked surprised.

"Is that all? We can come and visit easily, Penelope."

That 'we' again-my heart tore just a bit more. I laughed bitterly.

"It would hardly be the same! It...I don't want to lose our friendship."

"You consider me a friend?"

"Of course!"

"Then why on earth are you upset? I pride myself on being intelligent, but I expected you to be very happy about this, so either I'm a fool for the first time in my life or you're illogical for the first time in yours. Which is it?" Odysseus had little patience for games, and it was showing. I had to be straightforward.

"The latter." I sighed. "You're my friend, and as such I know the logical reaction to your good fortune should be joy, yet any such joy I might have is suffocated by my own selfish desires."

Once again, Odysseus' voice grew hard. "You don't share my joy at our marriage?"

"How can I? Odysseus, for the first time in my life I am consumed with jealousy-I envy Helen so much, it hurts. The thought of your marriage causes me such pain! I've only known of it for a short while, yet already the knowledge burdens my heart. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep save to witness some nightmare. I cannot think save to obsess, to go over and over in my mind-"

"Enough." Through my speech, Odysseus had grown angrier and angrier. He spoke with heavy restraint. "I've heard enough; you've made your point. If you don't want this marriage, you had only to ask. I'll respect your wishes, but I'll be damned if I'll stand here and listen to anyone, even you, insult me in such a fashion."

"Insulting you is the last thing I want to do, believe me, but I simply can't help the way I feel about this. I'm truly sorry I'm not happier for you." I had poured my entire heart out to the man I loved, and he was offended by it. If I were a less stubborn woman, I would've laid down and died right there.

"Don't-you've been all too clear in expressing your true feelings about me, haven't you? I wonder at how I might have considered you a friend these past few months, when the thought of marrying me repulses you so! Perhaps I should have known better than to believe I'd found a woman capable of being honest, of not playing games, saying one thing while thinking another-I thought because you were clever, you were trustworthy! I thought because I admired and loved you so, you admired and loved me just as much." Odysseus was as livid as I was stunned. I sat down, trying to make sense of what he was saying, and in my silence he continued on.

"What was your real purpose in all our conversations? Hoping to use me, to get your useless cousin married off as soon as possible? You didn't have to fake a friendship to do that, I would have accepted your help and solved that riddle regardless. Have I really been such a fool? And what a fool I still am, for even now, angrier than I've ever been, I still find myself in love with your wit and intelligence, for such things cannot be faked. No, I am not so proud that I cannot admit this, but you can be sure I'm far to proud to marry a woman incapable of love."

It hit me, suddenly, that for the past quarter of an hour Odysseus and I had been having two completely separate conversations.

"To be honest, I don't know what offends me more: Your disgust at my proposal, or your assumption that I'd actually force you to accept it, even after-" Odysseus found his speech abruptly interrupted by my lips; I lept up, grabbed his rough, unshaven face, and pressed his lips to mine with a fervor I hadn't believed myself capable of posessing. He kissed me back at once, holding my waist in his strong hands, and for a few blissful moments I knew the sweet rapture that comes with feeling utterly posessed. I broke away and looked into his gray eyes, my own filled with tears.

"You love me? Really, truly? As madly as I love you?"

"Penelope..." Odysseus trailed off; his eyes were half smiling and half bewildered as he struggled for words. "Penelope, for the first time in my life I am completely baffled, completley incapable of sorting out what's just happened."

I opened my mouth to explain, but he gently held a finger up to my lips, halting my reply. "And, also for the first time in my life," he continued, "I have absolutely no desire to sort out anything." He grabbed me and kissed me again, pulling me closer than I'd dared hope to find myself. My hands ran along his broad shoulders, his arms, his chest, anywhere I could reach. If I'd had an eternity, it would have been too short a time to feel his body against my own. His kisses were powerful and desperate, as though he couldn't get enough of me, as though he couldn't believe I was there at all. Such strength, such intelligence; how could he even have noticed my existance? Surely he was about to realize he had me mistaken for some other girl, some worthier girl. Any second now he'd break off this kiss. This kiss...sweet Aphrodite, I'd never felt this weak, even as I clung to him with the strength of ten men. Such feeling! Feverish, desperate, wanting, taking, it transcended happiness. There was only one word for it:

Completion.

I stared up at my ceiling, once more unable to sleep. I closed my eyes, and all I could see was Odysseus' boyish grin, the one he'd been wearing all day, from early on when his solution was announced to all the dumbfounded suitors present, to right before we'd parted only an hour ago. He'd kissed me goodnight and told me, rather playfully, that if I didn't leave for bed immediately my uncle's initial misconception about our relationship had a dangerously high chance of being fufilled. What a day! Last night I'd been so hopeless, and somehow Odysseus and I had already reached the point where we were arguing about kids. I smiled to myself, thinking of his insistance that we have three girls, that "You're the only intelligent woman I've ever met, and we need to fix that." He'd become completely deaf when I pointed out his need for an heir. How I loved his stubbornness! And in just a short day, there were already so many new things I'd discovered and subsequently fallen in love with. The feel of his rough hand as it caressed my cheek, the way he stared contentedly into my eyes, the way he held his hand on my stomach, as though he couldn't wait to see it swell with our future children. Every inch of me burned for him, the fever heightened by the intensity of his gaze, of his touch.

Sighing, I opened my eyes-And, once again, found myself surrounded by fog. I sighed.

"Is this a dream?" I asked the void, sitting up.

"It hardly matters." Aphrodite stepped into view. She looked mildly softer than she had the night before. Her flaxen hair was done  
up, and a few loose curls framed her girlish face. She idly tossed around something made of gold, not meeting my gaze.

"I want to thank you, Goddess. Your gifts from this past day have brought me more joy than I'd expected to find in a lifetime."

Aphrodite laughed and stopped playing with her object. When she held it still, I saw it was a golden apple-possibly a relic of her hand in Atalanta's fate.

"You're thanking me, are you? I suppose I should enjoy this while it lasts." She looked me in the eye and smiled enigmatically.

"Soon," she whispered, "the time will come when not a day goes by that you don't curse my name."

* * *

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	7. A Fight

Odysseus ducked.

Penelope and Odysseus hadn't really stopped fighting since their engagement; it was only their tones that changed. At their happiest, they were debating some minor point of philosophy, usually one they generally agreed on but had somehow managed to turn into an argument nonetheless; at their sweetest they were softly arguing, between kisses, which of them was the luckier of the two; at their most serious they argued over financial and political matters concerning Ithaca, which Penelope had come to love almost as fiercely as Odysseus did. Never in their year of marriage had either raised their voice in anger at the other, and whether happy, sweet or serious neither of them could have been accused of being irrational.

Penelope calmly reached for the nearest heavy object and took careful aim.

"Penelope, I really don't think—" Once more, Odysseus ducked.

"No, you don't think, do you? Because maybe if you had for a _second_ I wouldn't be in this horrible mess, would I?"

"You realize, of course, that you're being ridiculous?"

"What part of 'Get out of my room' was confusing?" Penelope wasn't shouting yet, but she looked murderous and her breathing was shallow.

"If you must know, it was the 'my room' bit, seeing as how this is my kingdom, my palace, and, most importantly, my room. Furthermore, if you think I'm going to leave at this of all moments—"

"If you _tried_ you couldn't be more infuriating right now!"

"I don't see how shouting is going to accomplish anything."

"Get _out_, you pompous, arrogant—"

"That's enough! I've indulged your stubbornness far more than any other man would his wife, I think I've been more than reasonable during this childish little tantrum of yours, and if you persist in attempting to order me about in my own bedroom, I will-ow!" Odysseus was interrupted, quite suddenly, by a smack upside the head.

Euryclea glared at Odysseus. "I remember when you came up to my knee; don't think just because you're taller than me you get to start misbehaving now."

"Have all women gone mad?"

"Will you please remove him from my sight before I rip his throat out?" Penelope growled.

"Of course, dear." Euryclea turned her attention back on Odysseus. "Were you _yelling_ at her?"

"I…well, I…that is, I mean, she…now, see here, I won't stand for this kind of treatment from you or her!"

Penelope glared. "_And_ he insulted me! Twice!"

"You're being absurd!"

"You're being an ass!"

"You insolent—"

"Egotistical!"

"Harpy!"

"Enough!" Euryclea slammed down the towels she'd been carrying for emphasis. The two were both red in the face and out of breath. Euryclea took advantage of this to shove Odysseus out into the hallway and shut the door behind her.

"Don't worry, I'll tell you when it's safe to come back in."

"I refuse to be ordered about like this in my own home! And furthermore—"

Euryclea patted Odysseus' shoulder. "No arguing. Go read or something." Without another word, she slipped back into the room, leaving a stunned Odysseus to stare at his bedroom door. He swore softly and began to pace.

A few hours later, Euryclea stuck her head outside. Odysseus was still pacing, and still swearing; he looked up when the door opened.

"How is she?"

"Perfectly fine, like I told—"

Odysseus pushed past her and rushed to the bed. Sweaty and exhausted, Penelope looked up and gently smiled as Odysseus leaned over and kissed her forehead. Penelope began to whisper, "I'm sorry about—" but Odysseus put a finger to her lips.

"All my fault," he whispered back. Penelope laughed softly.

"The first and last time I hear you say that, I'd wager." Still smiling, Penelope gently handed Odysseus the small bundle in her arms. Odysseus looked down at it in terror.

"Well, don't look so happy." Penelope seemed amused at Odysseus' discomfort.

"Take it back. I'm going to break it. Look at it; I didn't know they made things this small."

"He," Penelope corrected gently. "It's a boy."

Odysseus sat down next to Penelope and she leaned against him. "Came out kicking and screaming, he did. He's a warrior. Like his father."

"Telemachus."

"Telemachus, hmm?" Penelope looked at her son, and then leaned up to kiss her husband. "I like it."


End file.
